Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
