I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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