ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
