all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
