It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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