So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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