the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
