I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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