the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
