Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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