be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Someone came in the potted fern
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
