then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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