but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
