help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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