I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
