You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
