We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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