so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
