I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
