So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
