Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
