The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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