She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
