And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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