TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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