i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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