It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
