i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i need some magic done to my vagina
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
