billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
