You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
