Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
