Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
high people should be assigned attendants
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
