hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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