There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
