We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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