I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
