please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
