I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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