I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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