my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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