I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
