I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
