can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
