i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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