It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
