It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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