WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
