The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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