You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
