remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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