no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
