sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
