Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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