You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
