remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wear drunk well.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
