Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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