you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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