i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
