Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
