He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
