tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
