I'm eating all of the evidence.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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