I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
