i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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