the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
not ubering you a puppy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
