Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drake has all the answers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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