i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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