Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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