you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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