So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
