have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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