You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
