what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
