Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
