there's paper in my vomit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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