in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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