I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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