oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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