The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
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So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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