So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
