she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
even my farts smell like vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
