Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
