i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
