I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
