I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
